Pregnancy Week 25: Welcome Sleep Apnea
Of course I can’t go more than a week or so without a new issue to share with you! This week, its sleep apnea! I had a ENT doctor suspect sleep apnea last year, but I never was able to follow-up with any of the testing. So of course, as soon as I was pregnant and it came back up as a possible issue, I was sent to a sleep clinic. At week 20, I had my first overnight sleep study. (I think I mentioned this in an earlier blog….like how it should be called the NO sleep study!) A week ago I went for the results of that test, and they did diagnose me with moderate sleep apnea. So onward to another overnight study to be fitted with a CPAP machine.
I know sleep apnea is pretty serious, I mean after all it means you STOP breathing during the night, but I probably would have continued to put off this next study had the doctor not concerned me over the baby. He said my oxygen levels get down in the low 80’s and that concerned him for the baby getting enough oxygen. Of course when he said this, I made the next appointment. Me, I can do without a little O2, but not the baby!
So off to NO-sleep study #2. This was at a different clinic, a bit nicer and quieter, so I was hopeful. I was also trying not to panic. I had tried my Dad’s sleep apnea mask one night to see how it felt, and I panicked. I completely felt like I was being smothered. It reminded me of the this time in Mexico when I decided to try and go scuba diving, and after a 15 minute lesson, they strapped you to a tank and pushed you under water. I freaked – and spent the time int he shallows looking for fish, while the rest of the group headed out to the reef. Yeah, Mexico scuba diving was not for me….and neither was breathing through a weird mask! I told both the doctor and the clinic tech of my distress and they reassured me I would start with a nose piece only – no full face mask. I was still not convinced……
The tech let me wear the nose piece with the oxygen stream for about an hour while watching tv to try and acclimate to it. It was ok after about 10 minutes and I started to relax over the whole suffocating fear. I still don’t think I slept much that night, but apparently I kept the air-flow piece on and got enough sleep to make the doctor happy come morning. And so I was sent home with my new CPAP machine. Oh boy.
I am adjusting. The first night, I didn’t feel like I slept any, and ended up taking off the mask in my sleep and not realizing it. The second night, I woke up a bit panicked and took it off in the middle of the night. So far, I haven’t made it through a whole night with the mask on……I go to sleep with it on, but end up taking it off when I get up to potty and just won’t put it back on. It is not fun….it is cumbersome and uncomfortable and every time I wake up, it scares me that I have it on. But I keep trying, for the baby.
And so I continue to learn the lesson that I will no longer live my life for myself. My life is now about my child and the sacrifices I will make for him. God must have thought I really had a lot to learn before the baby arrives since he is teaching me all these lessons nice and early!
Pregnancy Week 23: Adjusting and Expanding
Well, I can certainly tell I am pregnant now – coming and going! Baby boy seems to be growing, and pulling me along with him! My profile view is definitely one of a pregnant lady. And boy oh boy can I feel him in there. It was like he doubled in size this week and decided he wanted to be known….punching and kicking and twisting and flopping all around in there. Uniquely odd and rather strange, sometimes painful, feelings! I am getting used to feeling them though and look forward to anticipating when he may want a little attention.
Since starting the gestational diabetes diet, I am very happy to report that my daily nausea has gone away. Yay! I do still have some crazy food and smell aversions, but the on-going nagging feeling of being sick has left the building! The diet is not much easier, salads every day and a snack of cheese and peanut butter still don’t float my boat, but if that’s what it takes, that’s what I am doing. I stay slightly hungry, which doesn’t help my mood swings (you can ask my husband about that one!), but I am still struggling to keep my sugar in check, even with the diet plan. Most days it does ok, but sometimes it is crazy high with little to explain why. I am still having high fasting numbers and am worried since they just won’t get any lower that medication is in my future as well.
The lack of food and carbs is making it tough to get a daily workout routine going. I am aiming for 15-30 minutes of walking a day, but when I have an extra 30 mins, all I want to do is nap. I am so tired all the time, I could sleep anywhere, anytime! Except at night of course! (Of course!!) I have a bit of pregnancy insomnia at night, mainly I think because my back aches so badly and my mind is going 90-to-nothing thinking of all the things we need to be doing forebear baby gets here, thinking about what I ate or need to eat the next day and trying to keep all my business ventures going.
We have started working on the house finally – we have SO much to do to get ready for a baby and haven’t done much of anything except talk about it. We started cleaning out my office and consolidating my business supplies. Most of them will move out to our outside shed/work space, and then my desk is moving into our living room. Shane’s daughter is moving into my office and her room, which is next to ours, will become the nursery. We have a goal to finish emptying my office and organizing the work space in May. Then moving Hailey into her new room in June and then we have July and August to make the nursery come together. Frankly, I am glad I still have another 5-6 weeks since I have no idea what I want to do with the nursery. I have some ideas, a whole Pinterest folder and we bought a white crib, but that’s as far as we have made it!
And then there is the subject of naming this poor kid. Right now, he is going to be known by his current nickname, Taco! I just can’t come up with a name that I LOVE. I have a list that I like, but none that just make me know for sure. I know I still have 4 months, but I would love to break out the embroidery machine before poor Baby Taco gets here!
Despite my struggles and issues, I have managed to keep one thing in check this pregnancy and that is my weight. At 5+ months pregnant, I am down 5 pounds from where I was when I started in December. NEVER thought I would need to get pregnant to change my eating habits and get healthy! Shane says it is the silver-lining to all of this, plus we read this week that the baby is getting taste buds so he should come out loving fruits and veggies!
No doctor appointments this week – thank goodness, but I am headed in to a respiratory specialist to discuss sleep apnea issues next week. Then the following week I am back with my OB to check on my blood sugar status. This kid should come out the healthiest little thing in the world as often as I see a doctor!
Week 22: Happy Mother’s Day
I took time on Mother’s Day to reflect on what this day will soon mean to me…..for the rest of my life. And then I cried. I have waited my whole life to become a mother, and now, it is slowly happening as our sweet baby grows inside of me. I spent Mother’s Day this year with my Mom, and we talked about travels we have been on together and laughed at how much I have changed over the years. Later, when I was home, and doing more reflecting, I realized that this is the journey I am starting on with my own child. In 30+ years, I too will be looking back on the moments we shared together and enjoying our memories each Mother’s Day. It made me feel that Mother’s Day will soon be my favorite holiday – a day each year for me to just reflect and remember my favorite days with my son.
I am struggling through this pregnancy. I don’t enjoy it and each day seems to actually get harder. I cry often and am worried I am getting depressed as the challenges increase. I am fearful I am not bonding with the baby enough. I can’t seem to get excited about the nursery or even baby names. I am pretty much hungry constantly from the limited gestational diabetes diet I am on and that only contributes to my crankiness and emotional state. I feel like I have postpartum depression pre-baby.
I am blessed to have found friends and other women who will talk honestly with me and let me know I am not alone. Because I feel like I am. I feel like something is wrong with me for having such negative feelings about being pregnant, when I have wanted this for years. I feel like I am a bad mommy for not having bonded with the baby yet and not feeling more excitement for pregnancy. I feel like its somehow my fault for being sick and have GD and being so miserable every day. I am thankful to the people who comment and message me to let me know I am not alone and its not my fault and I will get better and love this baby with my whole heart as soon as I meet him.
I write this blog to help me handle my feelings and emotions. Sometimes I can write what I can not say to to my husband or my friends. I write so I can look back on this and know I will be stronger from this experience, and that I will love my child even more having gone through such a challenge to meet him. I need to remember that part of becoming a Mom was not easy for us – we had 2+ years of infertility and now a pregnancy that is far from easy, emotionally, mentally or physically.
So for Mother’s Day, I don’t want to be a black cloud, but rather a voice from within the cloud letting others who share my experience know that we are not alone. Becoming a mother is a beautiful thing, but not everyone has a beautiful experience the whole time. Some of us fight for it with every day, every tear, every ache and every new challenge. I am counting on it making motherhood that much more to appreciate.
Week 21: my first week with GD
Welcome to my {new} world. 4 times daily, every day.
What a week this has been! As we hit 21 weeks on Wednesday, and Monday’s diagnosis of gestational diabetes was still sinking in, I was completely overwhelmed. I spent all day Tuesday crying. Literally. I just couldn’t quit. Through the ride to my doctor’s appointment, through lunch, on the way home, all night. My poor husband didn’t know what to do or ho
w to help. Honestly, there was no help or anything anyone could do. I had such a feeling of sadness, anger, desperation, confusion – just so many emotions all at once.
Wednesday I just took it easy. Started adjusting to the new diet and read two books on my Kindle on GD, trying to educate myself on what to eat and what to avoid. I took a three hour nap, partly since I find it easier to sleep through the challenges if I can. I had a raging headache from lack of sugar and carbs and was starving.
Thursday my testing supplies were finally approved and ready so that was a new challenge. I took my first blood test reading at 8pm, two hours after dinner, and cried through the whole thing. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I realized it was the start of a new lifestyle I wasn’t ready for. Yes, I am just emotional. My sweet husband even went first to share in the pain and experience with me.
Now its Friday, and I just watched my office co-workers enjoy a party complete with sandwiches, dips, pigs in blankets, chicken wings and chocolate pie, as I sat in the corner with my glass of water and waited for my husband to bring me a salad for lunch. This was not an easy day! I tried to stay social until the pie came out! Then I just couldn’t take it and had to excuse myself.
As I test my sugar more, I will learn what my body needs. Last night my sugar was low and I had a moderate level of ketones in my system (which is not good for baby, and means you need more carbs) so I had a yogurt and pretzels for a snack. But then woke up to a slightly high sugar level this am. Obviously there is much to learn and many adjustments to be made along the way. I am feeling better today, still a bit lethargic but the headache is almost gone. My fingertips are getting sore, esp when it takes me two or three tries to test my blood properly, but I am learning and I am sure will toughen up and get better at the blood draws.
Now since my sugar was good after lunch, I am going to have a spoonful of spinach dip and a few pretzels!
Week 20: Welcome to my GD Pregnancy
I started my 20th week pregnant having a 3-hour glucose test. Not my favorite way to celebrate my mid-way point of this pregnancy. I made it through the 1-hour test ok, it wasn’t too bad, but I was seriously dreading the 3-hour re-test. Any process during pregnancy that begins with 12 hours of FASTING is not ok! I was pleasantly surprised when my husband and I got to the lab and they had a private waiting room for us, complete with tv, remote and 2 reclining chairs. I had magazines and my iPad, but the waiting room made time pass so much faster. I was nauseous the first hour, and then just bored. All and all, not nearly as bad as people had said, blogged about and frankly worried the bejesus out of me over.
Fast-forward to today, five days later when the nurse calls from my doctor’s office. I missed the call and my heart sunk listening to the message, assuming if all was ok she would have sounded more chipper, or probably already told me the news. I reluctantly called back and heard what I was fearing most – I failed the test. I hung up in tears and lost it moments later, not the most appropriate action while at your desk at work, but frankly I had no control. A rush of emotion just hit me – was this my fault, have I hurt my baby, how much have I done wrong to make this happen, what is going to happen, how much more challenging could this pregnancy really get. Irrational? Probably. Un-natural? Not at all.
No more junk food for momma!
I didn’t start my pregnancy in the best of shape. I had recently lost my job and gained 15 pounds on top of my already ‘healthy’ frame by the end of 2012. I didn’t have the best eating habits and I didn’t exercise. I was still emotionally drained from a brutal year at my job and dealing with failed fertility treatments and being told un-assisted conception wasn’t in the cards for us. Food was my comfort. And I knew that, and I knew I planned to change my lifestyle when we were ready to try to conceive in a year or so.
And then I got pregnant.
I will never understand God’s timing, but I don’t question his plan and try to take each of these new challenges day by day. I have had ‘morning’ (AKA when ever it feels like it) sickness for the entire 20 weeks. I weight less now at 5 months along than I did at Christmas last year. My hormones are a mess, my skin is a HOT mess and my emotions control my days. I had early round ligament pain, leg numbness, extreme indigestion, food aversions, crazy scent sensitivity and leg cramps that wake me from a dead sleep most nights. My stomach feels like it weighs 50 pounds already and I get short of breathe with little effort. I am, quite frankly, miserable. And now, I have gestational diabetes.
I KNOW it is best to know early for my own health and the health of the baby, but no one is prepared to hear they have any form of diabetes. I KNOW my daily treat of a Coke to calm my queasy tummy has not been healthy, but it has been my saving grace many days and the only nausea cure that worked. I KNOW I will be healthier reducing my carbs, sugars and processed food, but that doesn’t make me feel better when I have gagged on broccoli every try so far. I KNOW I can do this, and I will, but that doesn’t make the thought of eating 5 times a day, writing down every food I eat and pricking my finger 5+ times a day any easier to digest. I KNOW the baby has a fine chance of being healthy in the end, but it certainly doesn’t make this news less stressful to an already stressed out momma-to-be.
So welcome to my GD pregnancy – my gestational diabetes pregnancy that is. I am sure this blog will take an interesting turn in the coming weeks. I should have my first appointment with a nutritionist and counselor this week. I can’t wait to share my first few days of finger pricks and carb counting. Pardon my emotions, but I think I need to cry again……
Mother’s Day Love
As a mother-to-be, I am so excited thinking about Mother’s Day. I am pretty sure it will become my new favorite holiday by nest year. I am thrilled to be a mom, and just can’t wait to enjoy this special day with my son in the future.
To celebrate my excitement, I am offering a fun Mother’s Day giveaway from our companies.
You have several ways to enter and there is a goody basket of 4 great prizes for one lucky Mom (or someone who wants to share with their favorite Mom)! Enjoy and good luck!
Start over on our Facebook page: http://bit.ly/ZHAMZo
Contest ends May 11 and winner will be announced here on the blog on Mother’s Day, May 12, 2013.
16 weeks: Pregnancy Milestone…or was it?
I have so much to share and update you on, but it is 9 minutes past my bedtime, I have to get up before dawn tomorrow for all day training and my husband is calling for me to get in bed, SO this is all you get! I really do promise more later. I HAVE to tell you about my experience registering (not a good one), all my friends who are also preggers and my first UN-solicited belly touch!! Oh yeah, it happened!
But for tonight, I had to squeeze in what I think happened today. Being my first pregnancy, I really don’t know what to expect in terms of my body. I can tell you I am experiencing all sorts of things so far – many unexpected – and most un-enjoyable, but I am most nervous and yet looking forward to feeling the baby move. I am a bit worried I may freak out seeing my tummy move or finding a foot sticking out, but I am also looking forward to being reminded, in a better way than nausea, that my little boy is alive and kicking in there. So today, I laid down on the bed just talking to my husband. (It was brutally cold in our old drafty house and I was trying to warm up!) I am an avid tummy-layer, so I still have a pretty bad habit of lying flat or at least semi-flat on my stomach until it gets uncomfortable. Well today, as I am lying on my tummy, I felt the strangest thing. It almost felt like my insides were tickled, only for a few seconds. A flutter if you will, all in my lower left abdomen area. I froze still wanting to feel it more, but when the second tickle came, I moved and it stopped. I then burst out laughing as if I had indeed been tickled! I don’t know if it was wishful thinking, or perhaps my first real baby movement, but it was a crazy moment!
I don’t know if I should lie on my tummy some more, or if he was saying, “hey Mom, get off of me!!!”. So anyway, my husband is now yelling for me so off to bed I go. Hopefully where more flutters await!
Pregnancy Week 14: 2nd Trimester Here We Come!
FINALLY! We have made it to the second trimester. I am hopeful this is the month I start feeling better and maybe can enjoy a day or two of this pregnancy. I will say that today I had to leave the house early and forgot to take or bring along my Zofran, and so far (knock on wood) I have felt pretty good today. Maybe its a step in the right direction!
As I look back on the first trimester, there have been some milestone moments already. We started the year off learning about our new baby on the 1st – what a way to start the new year. I then started real estate school a week later, morning sickness and all! We heard a trace of the baby’s heartbeat for the first time on January 22 – at just 6 weeks along. In February, I had my first cravings – for Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos…..and we then nicknamed the baby Taco! (Yes, I still have those cravings!) We were back to the doctor to meet our regular OB on Feb 13 – my Dad’s birthday – and saw the baby and heard a strong beat. I cried! Probably my favorite pregnancy day to date! In February, I also had my MaterniT 21 test, to check for any chromosomal issues. The results of that test came back fine and perfectly normal on March 5, and also learned that our baby is a BOY! I cried again. We just went back to the doctor on March 12 and all my vitals and stats look great and Baby taco showed a heartbeat of 155 – strong and healthy!
(Yes, I know there are a lot of exclamation points in that paragraph, but I am excited!)
My first trimester was not easy or fun. I lost 8 pounds from my lack of appetite and constant nausea, despite the weekly taco runs! I have had terrible stomach cramps and ligament pains, as well as charlie horses in my calves and the onset of headaches the past week. I am not enjoying pregnancy, but I am grateful and blessed to have this little life, our little miracle, growing inside of me. The tears that fall daily are a reminder to me of the love and emotion that is building for my little Taco, even if I do cry over being out of coke and my favorite shampoo.
Our BIG BLUE Announcement
Day 85: Best Pregnancy Day To Date.
I finally had a good pregnancy day. Yes, I was still sick and felt crappy. But we received wonderful news. My doctor’s office called with the results of MaterniT21 test – a blood test checking for abnormalities in chromosomes. The results came back good – no sign of any issues. It was such a relief and feeling of calm hearing that our baby is healthy. I have mixed feelings about all these genetic tests they recommend because of my ‘advanced maternal age’ and have declined some of them already. This one seemed simple enough and I would rather be prepared if we need to prepare for special needs, so we went ahead with it at 11 weeks.
Another plus side of the test is that they found out the sex of the baby! Yes, we know pink or blue! But I’m not telling just yet! (Unless you catch me in a Jessica Simpson oops moment! Did you hear about that? It’s called baby brain folks!) I am working on a surprise reveal this weekend, so hopefully I will have a fun blog for you next week with our news.
Which one will it be??
I will tell you that knowing has added a whole new level to the pregnancy. I feel like I can identify more with the baby knowing the gender, it just made it more real. I am also even more emotional knowing that we have a s/he in there!! I am tickled pink and blue to share this wonderful news……soon!
Pregnancy Fog – where did January go?
When the heck did it become February…..and yes, I realize February is almost over too. Perhaps I should just call this one ‘where the heck has the year gone?’ instead.
When we found out we were pregnant on January 1st, I had no idea how MUCH pregnancy would really affect EVERYTHING. I mean, obviously, I knew things would change and my body would change, but I really had no idea of the overwhelming emotional, physical and psychological effects that would happen so soon. I seriously don’t even remember January. I found texts and messages from friends back in early January that I don’t remember reading much less responding too. I have a list of things I said I would do for people, or get back to them, that I never did or even thought about again. All I can remember of January is that I found out I was pregnant, I went to real estate school, I was crazy sick and miserable and somehow, through the grace of God, I passed real estate school. And if I didn’t have the completion certificate and license to prove a few of things, I may not remember or believe they happened either.
I always swore I didn’t want to be ‘one of those people’ who bitched and complained their whole pregnancy. I wanted to enjoy it and revel in it and be thankful for what was finally happening. But seriously, then I actually got pregnant and realized this is NO FREAKIN’ JOKE and I am going to whine and complain if I want to! NO ONE prepared me for how crappy I was really going to feel. Even seeing my pregnant friends have morning sickness, vomit and then go on with their day somehow made this seem ‘easy’ or at least less inconvenient. It is NOT EASY or FUN or even pleasant!
If you scroll through a pregnancy book and see a list of symptoms during the first trimester, you will have the checklist of everything I have dealt with the past two months. Nausea. Extreme exhaustion. Constipation. Leg cramps. Stomach cramps. Breast growth and pain and soreness. Oh, and did I mention emotional as a 16-year old going through a break-up with PMS?!?! I mean, it’s a text book pregnancy and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way! No one ever told me my poor boobies would feel like knives were piercing them. Or that I would go 5 days with out going poop and feel as though my insides were going to pop. Or that I would randomly get leg cramps that would wake me from a dead sleep. Or that if my husband even thought about touching my chest, I would slap him. Or that I could seriously sleep 10 hours each night AND still need a 3 hour nap every afternoon. Or that EVERYTHING I attempted to cook would make me gag; nothing would taste good to eat; my body would reject my favorite foods; or that I could live on PB&J and water.
And I have only made it to week 11.
I want to say that I am HAPPY I am pregnant – we have tried for this baby for more than two years, BUT I also want to say that I never knew it would be this hard. Pregnant ladies – it is ok to tell the truth!! It is ok to be real about pregnancy. It is ok to NOT enjoy these EPIC changes happening to our bodies and not being able to comprehend what may happen next. It doesn’t mean we love our babies less, it just means we are normal and honest and freaked the heck out.
Ok, I have to go take my 10 hour nighttime nap. And prepare for my new night time ritual. The newest symptom of the week hit two nights ago – round ligament pain. Yeah, it happens every night now, as soon as I try to get comfy on the couch or lie in bed. Imagine a knife slicing open your lower belly with a quick slicing motion. Scares you to death, hurts like hell and then just aches for an hour or so. But don’t worry, it’s a perfectly normal part of a text-book pregnancy!
Our Purdy World 