Week 20: Welcome to my GD Pregnancy
I started my 20th week pregnant having a 3-hour glucose test. Not my favorite way to celebrate my mid-way point of this pregnancy. I made it through the 1-hour test ok, it wasn’t too bad, but I was seriously dreading the 3-hour re-test. Any process during pregnancy that begins with 12 hours of FASTING is not ok! I was pleasantly surprised when my husband and I got to the lab and they had a private waiting room for us, complete with tv, remote and 2 reclining chairs. I had magazines and my iPad, but the waiting room made time pass so much faster. I was nauseous the first hour, and then just bored. All and all, not nearly as bad as people had said, blogged about and frankly worried the bejesus out of me over.
Fast-forward to today, five days later when the nurse calls from my doctor’s office. I missed the call and my heart sunk listening to the message, assuming if all was ok she would have sounded more chipper, or probably already told me the news. I reluctantly called back and heard what I was fearing most – I failed the test. I hung up in tears and lost it moments later, not the most appropriate action while at your desk at work, but frankly I had no control. A rush of emotion just hit me – was this my fault, have I hurt my baby, how much have I done wrong to make this happen, what is going to happen, how much more challenging could this pregnancy really get. Irrational? Probably. Un-natural? Not at all.
No more junk food for momma!
I didn’t start my pregnancy in the best of shape. I had recently lost my job and gained 15 pounds on top of my already ‘healthy’ frame by the end of 2012. I didn’t have the best eating habits and I didn’t exercise. I was still emotionally drained from a brutal year at my job and dealing with failed fertility treatments and being told un-assisted conception wasn’t in the cards for us. Food was my comfort. And I knew that, and I knew I planned to change my lifestyle when we were ready to try to conceive in a year or so.
And then I got pregnant.
I will never understand God’s timing, but I don’t question his plan and try to take each of these new challenges day by day. I have had ‘morning’ (AKA when ever it feels like it) sickness for the entire 20 weeks. I weight less now at 5 months along than I did at Christmas last year. My hormones are a mess, my skin is a HOT mess and my emotions control my days. I had early round ligament pain, leg numbness, extreme indigestion, food aversions, crazy scent sensitivity and leg cramps that wake me from a dead sleep most nights. My stomach feels like it weighs 50 pounds already and I get short of breathe with little effort. I am, quite frankly, miserable. And now, I have gestational diabetes.
I KNOW it is best to know early for my own health and the health of the baby, but no one is prepared to hear they have any form of diabetes. I KNOW my daily treat of a Coke to calm my queasy tummy has not been healthy, but it has been my saving grace many days and the only nausea cure that worked. I KNOW I will be healthier reducing my carbs, sugars and processed food, but that doesn’t make me feel better when I have gagged on broccoli every try so far. I KNOW I can do this, and I will, but that doesn’t make the thought of eating 5 times a day, writing down every food I eat and pricking my finger 5+ times a day any easier to digest. I KNOW the baby has a fine chance of being healthy in the end, but it certainly doesn’t make this news less stressful to an already stressed out momma-to-be.
So welcome to my GD pregnancy – my gestational diabetes pregnancy that is. I am sure this blog will take an interesting turn in the coming weeks. I should have my first appointment with a nutritionist and counselor this week. I can’t wait to share my first few days of finger pricks and carb counting. Pardon my emotions, but I think I need to cry again……
Pregnancy Fog – where did January go?
When the heck did it become February…..and yes, I realize February is almost over too. Perhaps I should just call this one ‘where the heck has the year gone?’ instead.
When we found out we were pregnant on January 1st, I had no idea how MUCH pregnancy would really affect EVERYTHING. I mean, obviously, I knew things would change and my body would change, but I really had no idea of the overwhelming emotional, physical and psychological effects that would happen so soon. I seriously don’t even remember January. I found texts and messages from friends back in early January that I don’t remember reading much less responding too. I have a list of things I said I would do for people, or get back to them, that I never did or even thought about again. All I can remember of January is that I found out I was pregnant, I went to real estate school, I was crazy sick and miserable and somehow, through the grace of God, I passed real estate school. And if I didn’t have the completion certificate and license to prove a few of things, I may not remember or believe they happened either.
I always swore I didn’t want to be ‘one of those people’ who bitched and complained their whole pregnancy. I wanted to enjoy it and revel in it and be thankful for what was finally happening. But seriously, then I actually got pregnant and realized this is NO FREAKIN’ JOKE and I am going to whine and complain if I want to! NO ONE prepared me for how crappy I was really going to feel. Even seeing my pregnant friends have morning sickness, vomit and then go on with their day somehow made this seem ‘easy’ or at least less inconvenient. It is NOT EASY or FUN or even pleasant!
If you scroll through a pregnancy book and see a list of symptoms during the first trimester, you will have the checklist of everything I have dealt with the past two months. Nausea. Extreme exhaustion. Constipation. Leg cramps. Stomach cramps. Breast growth and pain and soreness. Oh, and did I mention emotional as a 16-year old going through a break-up with PMS?!?! I mean, it’s a text book pregnancy and I don’t know if I mean that in a good way! No one ever told me my poor boobies would feel like knives were piercing them. Or that I would go 5 days with out going poop and feel as though my insides were going to pop. Or that I would randomly get leg cramps that would wake me from a dead sleep. Or that if my husband even thought about touching my chest, I would slap him. Or that I could seriously sleep 10 hours each night AND still need a 3 hour nap every afternoon. Or that EVERYTHING I attempted to cook would make me gag; nothing would taste good to eat; my body would reject my favorite foods; or that I could live on PB&J and water.
And I have only made it to week 11.
I want to say that I am HAPPY I am pregnant – we have tried for this baby for more than two years, BUT I also want to say that I never knew it would be this hard. Pregnant ladies – it is ok to tell the truth!! It is ok to be real about pregnancy. It is ok to NOT enjoy these EPIC changes happening to our bodies and not being able to comprehend what may happen next. It doesn’t mean we love our babies less, it just means we are normal and honest and freaked the heck out.
Ok, I have to go take my 10 hour nighttime nap. And prepare for my new night time ritual. The newest symptom of the week hit two nights ago – round ligament pain. Yeah, it happens every night now, as soon as I try to get comfy on the couch or lie in bed. Imagine a knife slicing open your lower belly with a quick slicing motion. Scares you to death, hurts like hell and then just aches for an hour or so. But don’t worry, it’s a perfectly normal part of a text-book pregnancy!
I have a good excuse……
Why, yes, I have been MIA in blogging for awhile now. It’s not like I don’t have anything to share……I did get knocked up in December!
2 lines = a baby!
Oh boy, oh boy! (or girl!) Shane and I have been trying to conceive (TTC for us fertility challenged folks) since we got married October 2010. Honestly, we ‘gave up’ in August 2012 when I lost my job, and my insurance, and we just didn’t have the energy for charting, calendaring and taking expensive medicine…..nor did we have the money. We had tried several rounds of Clomid over the past two years, but it didn’t work and we knew we were in for a big of a longer challenge. So, we decided to take a break, not think about it, get jobs, get insurance and try again in a few months. Well, God had other plans! It seems we just needed to slow down and take a break to make things ‘work’ better!
Fast forward to Jan 1, 2013. I had been SO sick with a terrible cold – I mean not leaving the bed for 4 days, surviving on sleep alone. I had slept through New Year’s Eve and finally arose on the 1st. And in doing so, had a bit of a moment of clarity, realizing I felt horribly nauseous and that didn’t seem so cold-like. I glanced at a calendar, realized I was a few days ‘late’ and casually grabbed a pregnancy test. You see, I went through about six months were I peed on a stick every month hoping it would be positive…..convinced I was late and pregnant. I should have bought stock in Clear Blue. Imagine my shock and disbelief when the damn thing came up with TWO lines. I had to read the box three times to make sure I was seeing things right. I promptly went back to bed and just starred at the ceiling.
Shane came home from visiting my Mom and Dad (and getting some germ-free fresh air) about half an hour later. He had no idea…….I heard him in the bathroom, and yelled in, ‘Hey, I left something on the counter, can you bring it to me??’ I heard him move a few things and then say, “What is this? Oh MY GAWD!” and came running with the freshly-marinated stick in his hand. I was still in shock and am not sure I managed to muster much compared to his enthusiasm. You see, I had just spent four days in bed and wasn’t sure how I even managed to aim for the stick in my current state.
Oh, I have so much to share, and I am sure this blog is about to get busy. Maybe I should change the name to Our Purdy {Pregnant} Life for awhile. I apologize now if I get too graphic or blunt, but let me tell, this pregnancy has NOT been a cakewalk so far. Honey, we have some catching up to do!
Our Purdy World 