I started my 20th week pregnant having a 3-hour glucose test. Not my favorite way to celebrate my mid-way point of this pregnancy. I made it through the 1-hour test ok, it wasn’t too bad, but I was seriously dreading the 3-hour re-test. Any process during pregnancy that begins with 12 hours of FASTING is not ok! I was pleasantly surprised when my husband and I got to the lab and they had a private waiting room for us, complete with tv, remote and 2 reclining chairs. I had magazines and my iPad, but the waiting room made time pass so much faster. I was nauseous the first hour, and then just bored. All and all, not nearly as bad as people had said, blogged about and frankly worried the bejesus out of me over.
Fast-forward to today, five days later when the nurse calls from my doctor’s office. I missed the call and my heart sunk listening to the message, assuming if all was ok she would have sounded more chipper, or probably already told me the news. I reluctantly called back and heard what I was fearing most – I failed the test. I hung up in tears and lost it moments later, not the most appropriate action while at your desk at work, but frankly I had no control. A rush of emotion just hit me – was this my fault, have I hurt my baby, how much have I done wrong to make this happen, what is going to happen, how much more challenging could this pregnancy really get. Irrational? Probably. Un-natural? Not at all.
I didn’t start my pregnancy in the best of shape. I had recently lost my job and gained 15 pounds on top of my already ‘healthy’ frame by the end of 2012. I didn’t have the best eating habits and I didn’t exercise. I was still emotionally drained from a brutal year at my job and dealing with failed fertility treatments and being told un-assisted conception wasn’t in the cards for us. Food was my comfort. And I knew that, and I knew I planned to change my lifestyle when we were ready to try to conceive in a year or so.
And then I got pregnant.
I will never understand God’s timing, but I don’t question his plan and try to take each of these new challenges day by day. I have had ‘morning’ (AKA when ever it feels like it) sickness for the entire 20 weeks. I weight less now at 5 months along than I did at Christmas last year. My hormones are a mess, my skin is a HOT mess and my emotions control my days. I had early round ligament pain, leg numbness, extreme indigestion, food aversions, crazy scent sensitivity and leg cramps that wake me from a dead sleep most nights. My stomach feels like it weighs 50 pounds already and I get short of breathe with little effort. I am, quite frankly, miserable. And now, I have gestational diabetes.
I KNOW it is best to know early for my own health and the health of the baby, but no one is prepared to hear they have any form of diabetes. I KNOW my daily treat of a Coke to calm my queasy tummy has not been healthy, but it has been my saving grace many days and the only nausea cure that worked. I KNOW I will be healthier reducing my carbs, sugars and processed food, but that doesn’t make me feel better when I have gagged on broccoli every try so far. I KNOW I can do this, and I will, but that doesn’t make the thought of eating 5 times a day, writing down every food I eat and pricking my finger 5+ times a day any easier to digest. I KNOW the baby has a fine chance of being healthy in the end, but it certainly doesn’t make this news less stressful to an already stressed out momma-to-be.
So welcome to my GD pregnancy – my gestational diabetes pregnancy that is. I am sure this blog will take an interesting turn in the coming weeks. I should have my first appointment with a nutritionist and counselor this week. I can’t wait to share my first few days of finger pricks and carb counting. Pardon my emotions, but I think I need to cry again……